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My partner is a premature ejaculator, what can I do to help him?

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With my partner we have been together for 15 years and we have always had a good connection in bed and we have overcome marital crises. However, lately he has started to avoid me sexually because he has started to ejaculate prematurely. Every time I broach the subject with him he tells me he doesn't want to talk and this has distanced us. What I can do?

Answer

“Life as a couple confronts us with the challenge of building a space of sexual-affective intimacy. This implies not only being in the proximity of the bodies -marked by their own history- but also in the nakedness of the psycho-affective shelters that each one has been building, as fortresses or defenses, throughout life. In this sense, premature ejaculation can appear in the first sexual experiences or late in specific couple situations that compromise a certain type of intimacy. Each couple relationship faces difficulties that are unique, since it is constituted from the intersection of two stories,” says Dr P K Gupta, couple and family therapist, and best sexologist doctor.

“Contemporary life has given rise to fundamental questions that put our most traditional representations in crisis: the transformation of gender relations, the recognition of diverse identities, the modification of roles. They are all issues that affect perceptions and certainties about what is possible -and what is not possible- to expect from oneself and from the other”, explains sexologist Dr P K Gupta.

“Couple therapy, as well as psychoanalysis, lead us to recognize in the manifestation of premature ejaculation -as well as in other problems- a configuration that compromises the couple and their particular context and way of life. This leads us, necessarily, to ask ourselves about the unique conditions in which this situation arises, both from the point of view of the relationship and of each one in particular”.

What could have happened?

Premature ejaculation is one of the main dysfunctions that affect the sexual life of couples. Although biological factors are sometimes spoken of, all studies show that in most cases they are related to biographical and relational aspects.

In this regard, Dr P K Gupta, points out that the causes for a man to manifest premature ejaculation are diverse. “Human beings experience situations that are triggered in a multifactorial way. Among the causes, we can find psychophysiological manifestations such as anxiety and high degrees of distress, to which are added difficulties in terms of self-image and self-esteem. We can also add concerns or thoughts related to the work sphere or even difficulties in contact with the immediate environment., experiencing a perception of hostility in environments that were previously believed to be safe. In addition, biological and/or physical alterations can be found, such as genital infections, vascular alterations and/or hormonal imbalances”.

It is estimated that the causes of this condition are 95% psychological and that 40% of men have suffered from it throughout their history. According to Sexologist in Delhi, every man is susceptible, at some point in his life, to developing this condition because human relationships change and so do people. For this reason, always faced with a problem of this type, everything that is around the person who suffers from what is described must be analyzed.

On how such a situation can affect a relationship, the expert points out that “many women see their well-being and sexual satisfaction compromised. However, sexual satisfaction and well-being are always of an individual nature, this means that each individual within a relationship has the responsibility to worry about and generate their own enjoyment and sexual well-being, which they choose to share and enjoy as a couple, involving others affective and even social elements.

How to get through it together

When the sexual life of a couple is affected, it is the task of both to solve it. This is what Best Sexologist in India Dr P K Gupta believes, who maintains that the only way to go through any difficulty as a couple is to have good communication. “The sexual is just one more area within the complete context of the couple, however, a large part of the resolution of these situations implies the development of better communication. This requires greater involvement and commitment from both members, whether or not they find it difficult to talk about their intimacy”.

If we consider the sexual area as a subject that we cannot address, it will be difficult to grow steadily as a couple. “My call is to find oneself in communication, which even goes far beyond words ”, warns the expert sexologist in Delhi.

As for the treatments that exist to cure this sexual dysfunction, they range from pharmacological to more specific sexual therapies. However, sex specialists in Delhi always recommend a combined strategy aimed at developing the affective sphere of the man, so that he can remove the situation that causes discomfort to both members of the couple. Psychophysiological self-regulation techniques can also be involved, which aim to reduce stress and anxiety generated from the possibilities of generating sexual contact.

In this regard, Specialist For Men's Health Dr P K Gupta, explains that: “If there is mutual affection and the desire to project themselves together in a relationship, the direct and indirect consequences that this problem brings to the couple can be faced successfully most of the time.. However, along the way, the complexities of premature ejaculation, as a clinical entity, almost always require the help of a professional who is dedicated in depth to the subject”.

For Dr P K Gupta, sexual problem expert, the ideal is to attend therapy so that a professional can educate on sexuality, self-care, self-esteem, break down myths and taboos that make it difficult to express feelings, emotions and the free manifestation of sexuality. sexuality. To take the first steps, the expert advises:

· Learn self -stimulation again more slowly and consciously.

· Reduce spaces in bed, literally speaking, since couples generally move away physically while in bed.

· Revitalize intimacy and complicity. Feeling the partner's skin and discovering new erotic maps away from the genitals may be some alternatives.

Preside over intercourse to reduce anxiety in the couple.

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